The countdown begins

This time next week I'll be pledging forever, through the good and the bad, for richer or poorer.

Time to make final mental adjustments to thinking as a unit instead of an individual. Time to get used to the fact that what's mine is his and what's his is mine - does this mean he has the right to wear my shoes as well!?!? Time to adjust to living with someone, getting up close and personal and in each other's space all the time. After a lifetime of doing what I want when I want this will be a change.

One week left and everything seems settled, although there are still boxes and boxes of my stuff in the house. That will just have to wait until after the wedding and honeymoon. Not enough hours in the day to get things done as it is, let alone time to sit down and sort through the junk I dumped into those boxes.

Time is short. Too many things to do. Looks like I'll subsist on a steady stream of caffeine for the next week until this is all over.

Time for many changes but isn't that what life is all about?

Looking to the future

Things seem to be moving along albeit a little more slowly than I'd like but still they're moving.

The church started announcing our banns of marriage last weekend. To my knowledge, the Catholic church simply posts your intention to marry on their notice board but our Anglican church takes a more public approach. They will announce them in the Sunday service for the 3 consecutive weeks immediately preceding your wedding date and you're asked to stand up and identify yourself to the congregation. Now this is all and well if there are several couples intending to tie the knot but when you're the only one, it can get rather disconcerting to have all eyes on you.

The banns essentially give anyone the right to object to the marriage or bring to the attention of the church any reason why these 2 individuals should not be married. I'd like to think that we don't have any skeletons in our closets that are serious enough to prevent the union but one never knows.... It does however leave the couple open to attack by malicious individuals wanting to disrupt the marriage for whatever reason doesn't it?? Anyway, next week I think I should take full advantage of the public nature of the announcement; dress to the nines and do the Miss Universe wave :)

Moving from "ME" to "WE" is a rather daunting thought and requires some minor adjustments (on my part anyway). I'm so used to being my own person and doing as I like but the mind is slowly adjusting. I have faith that I will remember that I have an other half when the time comes.

One thing I am grateful for is that we've both lived and done everything so we won't be left wondering "what did I miss??" a few years on. Get it all out of your system and sow those wild oats before you settle down I say. No regrets later. We all come to a time in our lives where we think that it's time to bite the bullet and commit. Some arrive sooner rather than later but most of us do arrive eventually.

So it's 3 weeks to THE day. In 23 days I'll be married erk! Who would have guessed...

Bridezilla!

Bridezilla is a generic term used to describe a difficult, unpleasant, perfectionist bride who leaves aggravated family, friends and bridal vendors in her wake. A bridezilla is obsessed with her wedding as her perfect day and will disregard the feelings of the family, bridesmaids and even her groom in her quest for the perfect wedding.

Bridezilla.com's Definition: Exceptionally attractive, confident women who know what they want and can't be bothered to sugar coat because they are obviously on 100 calorie- a- day microbiotic diets and can't even sneak a pack of Splenda if their life depends on it. Bridezillas are both blessed and cursed with a higher vision of perfection than most mediocre, David's Bridal wearing, Gerber daisy carrying mortals and have no choice but to impart this vision exactly to the masses. It is this motive that drives them to demand nothing less than excellence from their staff-err, wedding party.

Ok so maybe I'm not that extreme. Like i said before, I'm not one of those girls who grew up dreaming of and planning her perfect wedding but that's not to say I don't know what I want. I do, in fact, I have very definite ideas of what I want and even more definite ideas of what I don't want. Examples: I know I don't want frou frou on my dress. I know I don't want anything typically girly (I have allergies to pink frills). Most importantly I know I don't want a giant bridal party - after all the bride (and groom of course :p) are the center of attention so why distract from that by surrounding yourself with a giant bridal party especially when you're my height.

Other half has said that he's seen flashes of bridezilla emerging in the past few weeks. I beg to differ. I do, however, understand why some women go to such lengths to make sure that things are just so. You only have one chance to get it right (unless you're Elizabeth Taylor). Your wedding should reflect who you are. It's always nice to inject a bit of the couple's personality into the event as a whole.

Whatever it is, I believe it's important to ensure that we're not bullied into anything. It's our day and noone else's. After consulting both parental units, our program for the day includes morning tea ceremony at mine, church, light luncheon reception, afternoon tea ceremony at his, dinner reception. It looks to be a long trying day. I pray I don't get grumpy for lack of rest as I tend to do. This is where my darling bridesmaid comes in - to keep me in good spirits and ensure a free flow of stimulants throughout the day. I have every confidence that she'll bridesmaid me through the day with flying colors.

The mish mash of Chinese tradition and church ceremony got me wondering if there is such a thing as a traditional Chinese wedding? More and more couples are having church weddings meaning that the Chinese traditions of the bride pick-up, tea ceremonies and any other denominational customs need to be melded with the church ceremony.

To my understanding (correct me if I'm wrong) Chinese tradition demands that the groom arrives at the bride's house with a group of brothers to be put through the test (by the bride and her sisters) and jump through hurdles (sometimes literally!) before being allowed the honour of collecting his bride - to the victor belongs the spoils so to speak. After proving his worthiness, there will be a tea ceremony where the couple serves tea to the bride's immediate family. The significance of the tea ceremony is the bride's family accepting the groom and gives her over to his care while also acting as a send off for the couple. After this the couple proceeds to the groom's home where there will be another tea ceremony signifying the groom's family's acceptance and welcome of the bride into their family. After all is said and done, wedding receptions will be held to introduce the newlyweds to the extended family and friends.

In this day and age the legal requirement of solemnization whether in church or before the Registrar of Marriages is an additional layer. The church wedding is usually held after the bride's family sends her off with her new husband and the groom's family receives the couple at their home thereafter. Attendance at the Registrar of Marriages (for those not solemnized in church) is usually done prior to the tea ceremonies and reception.

I seem to have wondered off topic. Forgive the wandering mind of a bride-to-be.

Ekin & Adrin - Bersanding & Doa Kesyukuran

Original gallery here.
Photos by Eyan

Ekin & Adrin - Akad Nikah

Our heartiest congratulations to the lovely couple.
Original gallery here.
Photos by Eyan

Memoirs of a Bride (Part 6) - Doa Selamat

The husband drifts off to sleep as I walk around packing and unpacking for the doa selamat at night. Time flew quickly and the next thing I know I'm running around and late (again)! We arrive at Polo Club at 6:30 and I get made up straight away. I finish getting ready and tiptoe to the balcony to check out the guests. Zakiyah caught me and made shoo-ing gestures so I go in and wait for my husband to 'pick' me up.

Doa Selamat dinner. An appreciation for the family who really helped out a lot. A big family is an advantage (more helping hands). Without my family helping, we'd be overwhelmed!

We go down together (me nearly tripping at the stairs) and we enter the hall holding hands. My outfit doesn't give me much stepping space so I'm forced to walk with tiny steps. I call out to my husband quite often requesting for him to slow down. We reach the table and pause. Do we go right or left? Oh what the heck! We walk to the right and around the table to our seat. A thank you speech was given by I think Pg Bahrum (my uncle) and he continued with a doa selamat and the food was served.

Caught in the act of checking out my guests!

The fish was good- some sort of steamed fish. Erwan played a video clip from the whole wedding with a Krisdayanti song in the background (which my family totally wiped out after a min). Oh well... Then I saw guests leaving. But am I not supposed to be out there saying my thank you's and goodbye's? I signal to Babu and she's in a daze when she lets me go out. We call mummy and daddy too so we all go out. But people are still eating. Uh-oh! I was early! My bad! Bapa marah's a bit and says its like us telling people to leave.

Lace material bought by Babu in Dubai, made at Lord'ess (Jakarta). Veil bought from Safrina. Tiara and Jewellery lent by Busera's mum.

But no one is leaving anyways. We wait till people are ready to leave and they come and say goodbyes. A few guests took pictures while we were still in line and finally it was done. More pictures were taken with guests that lounged around the hall. My feet were aching from those killer stilettos! Finally we head back home at 11:30pm knackered and straight away hit the sacks. It's been a long and exhausting day.

At the table. Checking out the video.

Our entertainment was strictly no music due to some religious members of my family. My grand dad wanted guling tangan though so we had that only.

Leaving the hall at the wrong time! Whoops!

With the maids. Material for uniform bought at YMRM and made at Idot's tailor.

An advice to future brides, a lot of time preparation time required! I had 2 months to prepare for nikah, 3 months for the other functions calling it a bit rushed is an understatement. Though, it's ok that my wedding wasn't perfect and missed a few touches here and there. It's our journey in marriage that will count. What is the memory of one day to compare to a memory of a lifetime?

Ordered from Singapore via Mangkuk Emas Trading (Batu Bersurat – same row as Red Canopy Café), Flower bought in Jakarta (Pasar Pagi Mangga Dua), Ribbon bought from UK (www.fourseasonsvillage.co.uk)

A few of the many gifts from guests and I would like to take this opportunity to tell everyone it was wonderful of you to share our wedding day with us. Thank you for your good thoughts, your generous gift and for being there. It means the world to us that you care.

Jewellery from my in-laws for the 'menyarungkan'. Not something that we're accustomed to, (not part of our adat) so that was something new.

Next destination, honeymoon? My husband cant get leave due to his involvement with preparations for the Royal birthday. We had a two night stay at Empire sponsored by my Bungsu and the real honeymoon sponsored by my Bapa planned to be in August. Where to? My husband wants a cruise, I want somewhere cold. How about an Alaskan Cruise? I'd like to go to Europe though...

Us.

Unedited entry by the bride herself, Muizzah.
Photography by eyan.

And that is the finale for this series of the wonderfully detailed account of the wedding events that Muizzah has kindly shared with us. Thank you so much for your contribution Muizzah, I'm sure the visitors have been enjoying your memoir and hopefully it will help those who are planning their wedding sometime soon too. We here at Brunei Weddings wish you a happy marriage and a lifetime of happiness - Bulimic.

Wedding Wish List

Chinese weddings usually call for the gifting of gold jewelery by family and little red packets of joy by friends and wedding guests. However, in recent years, I find that couples tying the knot have sought assistance of their close friends to defray the cost of setting up home.

The comment by David on my last post inspired me to upload our Wish List. I'm calling it a wish list as opposed to a gift list simply because it's not a common practice here in Brunei. Wedding invitations will be sent out next week and guests who are wondering about gifts are most welcome to peruse the list. My fantasy wish list can be found here for those who are feeling exceptionally generous :p If nothing on the list appeals, I'm collecting Supa Save stamps so I can get the full Breville collection on offer.

I notice that our very own Inner Space offers a Gift Registry service which I have yet to avail myself of. I wish that most of the major department stores would catch on. It is a rather exhausting to trawl through these stores meticulously documenting brand, description, pricing and product codes to enable generous well-wishers to identify the product with accuracy.

Some may say that telling people exactly what to buy for you does away with the element of surprise. I say surprise is underrated especially when faced with 10 different toasters gifted by 10 different people. As a wedding guest, I've always appreciated it if the wedding couple indicate to us exactly what they need (or don't need) so I can gift them with something that will be appreciated and most importantly, used!

I recall a friend sometime ago telling me that one of the wedding guests had decided to help her decorate her home by buying them a sculpture...now we all know that art is subjective - I may not like what you like - the scuplture now sits in the happy couple's storeroom gathering dust and housing spiderwebs. It is a shame because the sculpture was obviously expensive and the gifter obviously spent a lot of time and effort selecting it.

I may come across as presumptuous and a bit of a b*tch r bridezilla but I believe in being practical. It's always best to give (and receive) something that will actually be used. Moral of the story is...in the absence of a wish or gift list, little red packets are always welcome.

Next post...the appearance of Bridezilla!